can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
