It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
