I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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