Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She tied me up with her honor cords...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
