I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
