I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
