Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
