Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize