and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
