Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
