unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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