I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
