Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sex in a hospital.. check
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize