Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize