drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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