Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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