mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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