I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
