therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
