Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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