You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
