apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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