I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
