Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
