I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
