we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
