He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
