no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
