and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
