party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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