Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize