just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
