It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im holly from the hills drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
