Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
