made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
