Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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