She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
