Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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