no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
