sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
