I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
