have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
