Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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