yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
