I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
