haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
