oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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