John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize