i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize