Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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