those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize