I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
