"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
