Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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