as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
