there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
