marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize