he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
