3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
