I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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