They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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