apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
