I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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