You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
