Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
