He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
