Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
