Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
