I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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