What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
