I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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