I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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