I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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