Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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