well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
