RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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