one two three fourrrrnication!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
