tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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