The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
even my farts smell like vagina
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
