our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
