We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
