After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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