Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
