They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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