Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
